The long and winding road indeed

2 years. 2 years since I updated here. So much has happened. So many bumps along the way, some good some bad. First the good. My nearly 1 year old. Yep, I had another baby. So once again, weight loss took a back seat. And the bad. Being at home with a baby means I boredom eat. A lot. And the whole 'breastfeeding helps you lose weight' thing? Bollocks. Absolute bollocks. So here I am, another year older, and still not at goal. But that all changes today. And this time it will happen. But why? Why this time?

I am not getting any younger. About to turn 34. And I've been considerably overweight for most of my adult life. That's pretty shit to be perfectly blunt. I'm not having any more babies. So the focus can truly be on losing this weight once and for all and knowing that no more little people will come along and put a dent in my plans! Most of all, I'm just sick of not feeling good about myself. It's a horrible way to live and when you can easily fix the main cause of the problem, to not do so just seems stupid!

I want nice clothes. I want to feel confident. I want to feel sexy. I want to be a good example for my children. I don't want to keep myself from doing things with my boys because I'm not confident in myself. What kind of mother am I if I let that happen? I want to go on the holiday we have planned for November and not just feel good, but know I look good too.

So here's to 2015 and everything it will hold for me. I'm not 100% clear on my precise goals as yet, but I'm working on them. It will be a hard year, I'm returning to work next week. But I will make it a good year. Once and for all.

Shift in mindset

Mindset. A word you hear an awful lot on the 12WBT. A word I never truly understood the meaning of until recently. And something I never realised I needed to take a look at for myself. Until recently. Something has shifted in the last week. I realised that perhaps I'm not as unemotional about food and my weight as I thought. I'm not an emotional eater, that's not what I mean. I don't get sad and instantly crack out the chocolate. But I've realised that I live to eat. I love good food. And pretty much all social occasions I'm involved with or organise myself, revolve around food. That has to change. I've also realised how truly depressed and unhappy about my weight and the way I look I actually am. And enough is enough. I don't deserve to feel this way about myself. No one does. I'm sick of the roller coaster I've been on for the last 4/5 years. This time this is it. I'm getting to goal weight and never looking back! I'm sick of losing weight, getting near goal weight, but then plateauing and putting some back on, only to start the process again. I am sick of being overweight. I am sick of trying to lose weight. All. The. God. Damn. Time. I want to be someone who simply has to maintain weight...you know, like a normal person does!

I took my before photo last night to upload to the website. Wow. Talk about confronting. I felt uncomfortable standing in front of my husband getting him to take a photo (stupid considering I have no problem with him seeing me naked but standing there was soooo different). I felt uncomfortable looking at the photo. I looked horrible. My face was fine. My collar bone area fine. But my stomach, hips and legs....oh my god. I knew it was bad but staring at myself in just about all my glory was a very mind altering moment. I don't want to look like this anymore and I'm damned if I'm not going to give this my all to make sure I don't.

So we are now in Round 4 of the 12WBT (my second round) and I've set my goal at 10kg for these 12 weeks. 10kg takes me to just below the lightest weight I got to with weight watchers a few years back. It takes me well below my pre pregnancy weight (a beacon to those of us who have children!) and it takes me to within 8kg of my goal weight. So far, so good. I've exercised as I'm meant to, I've eaten as I'm meant to. I love the food on the nutrition plans. It's very easy to stick to for me. The important thing is to get myself firmly stuck in a routine for the gym for which so far, I am winning the battle! I'm determined to lose weight, but more importantly, change the shape of my body completely and ain't nothing gonna get in my way this time!

Back in the swing of things

Ok, so this is the last week of Round 3 of the 12WBT. And I've finally gotten back into the swing of things. Only took me 6 weeks! Sickness and holiday really took it's toll on me and I have no one to blame but myself. And I'm soooo pissed off with myself about it. But, what's done is done and I can't change it now. What I can change is how I have approached the final week and a half going into Round 4 which I have already signed up for.

Firstly, I have been near on angelic with my diet. Yes, I've had a bit of chocolate, but I had the calories left over that I needed, so I didn't blow my allowance. Secondly, I have been absolutely angelic with my exercise plan! I went to the gym Wednesday night, aforementioned spin Thursday, did a 2 hour walk on Friday (was planning on gymming it but for some reason my usually quiet suburban street was in a traffic jam thanks to some road closures and I couldn't get there!), Saturday we walked to a nearby fair and then to a local play centre (about 2 hours pushing a pram on grass...8kg pram and a 15kg toddler = good workout!) and then Sunday I did the Super Saturday Session. Given that was the first one I've done properly in weeks, man did I feel it!

Week 12 officially kicked off yesterday and I did it in style. Pump class in the morning, followed by the plan Michelle had set out in the evening. Wow. I was feeling it! And as part of my new found determination, I've decided that I will get up Tuesday and Thursday at stupid o'clock to do my toning program at the gym. Whilst I'm not a lover of being up that early, or morning exercise, it's certainly better for my lifestyle than being at the gym 5 weeknights a week. I was even there this morning before they opened!!! I had my clothes set out last night, lunch was made, breakfast was all sorted as I would be getting back a bit later than I would normally start getting ready for work...there were no excuses! And you know what, I feel pretty bloody proud of myself for doing it! But right now....oh the pain!!!! Radox bath needed URGENTLY I would think!!!!!

I am a bridesmaid at my sis in laws wedding in just under 4 weeks and I'd like to think that I can lose 5kg by then. If I can do that, I won't be too far off the slimmest I got down to when I first did weight watchers and I know I looked pretty good then. I don't know if I can sustain this kind of intensity for 12 weeks, so I'm breaking it down. Just do it for 4 weeks, then reassess. Makes it feel a lot more achievable.

So all in all, I'm feeling pretty positive about it all. I know this program works. I didn't give it my all and I still lost 6kg. Who knows what I'm capable of if I actually put my mind, body and soul 100% into it!

Oh spin class....

How I had forgotten what a torturous beast you can be! First spin class in a looooong time. One word. Ouch. That is all.

Long time no see...

Well, it seems as though it has been 2 years, 2 months and 19 days since I last posted. Whoops. I contemplated starting an entirely new blog, but then realised that a lot of my weight loss history, the ups and downs, are all here and I wanted to keep everything together.

A lot has changed in those 2 years, 2 months and 19 days. Last post I mentioned I was pregnant. Well that pregnancy is now a nearly 20 month old beautiful boy! He is the absolute light of my life and I truly can't imagine life without him. I wonder all the time what I used to do to fill my days before he came along!!!

There were a lot of reasons I stopped blogging. Mainly, it was a weight loss blog and being pregnant I obviously wasn't going to be doing any of that! But another reason was a lot of the personal turmoil I went through during my pregnancy. When I was about 20 weeks, my husband and I separated. Thankfully we got back together not long after and remain so now, but the reasons behind it completely threw me and changed everything about the way I felt about myself. I felt I wasn't good enough, I felt I didn't deserve to be happy, to be fit and slim. Whilst I didn't gain that much during the pregnancy itself (maybe 10kg and a lot of that was fluid....I was still puffy 2 weeks after his birth!!), the year of maternity leave took its toll. I was home alone with a baby that didn't like to sleep much during the day (thank god he did of a night, small mercies!) and felt like I was worthless as anything other than a mother. In that year I gained a further 7kg. It's taken me a really long time to get to the point where I finally feel that I do bloody well deserve to be happy in my own skin and I deserve to look good! It's also taken me a really long time to leave the mummy guilt at the door and realise that I'm not just doing this for myself, this is for my son as well, he deserves a healthy mum so if it means spending a little bit less time with him of an evening, then that's a price I have to pay for now. Thankfully he is a ridiculously independent little boy and I'm sure barely notices that 'mimmy' isn't there for an hour in the evenings!!!

So that brings me to today. 11 weeks ago I signed up for Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation. I had high hopes and I started off with all guns blazing. Then I got sick. Then I went on a cruise. These things didn't see me gain weight, but I didn't lose any either and I kinda ended up behind where I wanted to be. There is still another week left in this round and so far I have lost 5.2kg in those 11 weeks. Not bad, but not where I wanted to be. So I've signed up for Round 4 and NOTHING will stand in my way! I am currently about 9kg above the lightest weight I reached with weight watchers a couple of years ago and I would LOVE to get rid of that in this round. My ultimate goal weight is 18kg away and this time it's going to happen, and it's going to be forever!

One of the committments I'm making to myself is to keep this blog up to date. In the past it held me accountable. Despite not even knowing if anyone read it, just putting it out there made me responsible. I'm determined to give this round my all, and finally be the person I want to be, inside and out.

I've been missing a while..........

And I do have a very good excuse, honest. Firstly, I went on holidays for a couple of weeks and we had an absolute ball. And I managed to come back weighing EXACTLY the same as the day I left. Given the alcohol I drank, god knows how that happened, but it did. So then I got back into the swing of things. Went back to boot camp, the gym, the lot. Then a few weeks after coming back from holidays, we found out that.......I'M PREGNANT!!! It isn't a holiday baby, which given the amount of alcohol I drank is probably a good thing. I'm currently nearly 10 weeks pregnant, and due on the 22nd of March. So needless to say, boot camp has sadly been given the heave ho since it's not safe to get my heart rate up to 170+ which I regularly did at boot camp. I have no doubt I'll go back next year to get rid of the inevitable baby weight I'll likely gain! I'm still exercising, but I'm having to learn not to be so gung ho and go flat out with everything I do which is really difficult for me. I'm thinking of starting swimming again, so that'll probably be a good way to calm me down!

Whilst it was planned, I'm still a bit freaked out about so many things. How it will change our lives, our relationship, whether I'll be a good mum, and I won't lie, I am also worried about undoing some of my hard work and gaining weight. So far I've pretty much stayed the same, and given what foods I've been able to stomach (carbs, carbs and more carbs), I'm pretty happy about that. I'm guessing morning (or in my case, all day and night) sickness can be good for something lol! I know I'm not going to overly stress about it, but I know I want to be careful with it, not just because I've worked hard to lose it, but because it's not good for me or the bub.

See, I told you I had a good reason to have been missing so long!

Feeling positive

I've been missing for a couple of weeks, been laid incredibly low with a chest infection and the flu. But I was back to boot camp this week, and had a loss of 500g at weigh in this week. Considering the weekend before last included a trip to the Hunter Valley for the Lovedale Long Lunch (read great food and wine and lots of it!), I'm pretty happy with that. Since I started boot camp, I've lost nearly 5kg. That is the most I've lost in a ridiculously long time. I finally feel as though I will get to goal, and have set myself the target of my 30th birthday on the 15th of January next year as my deadline. That's 33 weeks to lose just over 13kg. I would love to be at maintenance by then, but I'll settle for being at goal!

The only thing that could potentially throw a spanner in the works is the cruise I'm taking starting this Saturday. I know for a fact I'm not going to be an angel as far as food and alcohol go, and nor do I particularly want to be. But I am determined to do it in moderation. If I want something sweet, just have a tiny bit. Don't get ridiculously drunk too often either! They have boot camp at sea, so I'll be signing up for that and the gym is apparently state of the art and the same area as an olympic swimming pool, so I'll definitely be paying that a visit frequently. I'll also be snorkelling, swimming, doing all sorts of activities. I am bloody determined to not let the next 2 weeks undo all the hard work I've put in over the last 6 weeks. All those bumps, bruises, grass burns, wet bums from laying on the grass, they will not be in vain!!!!

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life....

And I'm feeling good! Thank you Michael Buble for lending me your lyrics.

I realise I've been absent for a week weeks, but it's not because I've had nothing good to report. Quite the opposite actually. Boot camp has been going extremely well, I'm so much fitter than I was just 4 weeks ago, and I have lost 4.2kg since I started. Holy crap, I didn't realise it was that much until I just looked at my weigh in book! 1.7kg of that came this week alone, which I was very pleasantly surprised with.

Better still - on Monday I tried on a dress that I bought months ago. It didn't fit me at the time, but it was gorgeous and on sale, so I had to have it! It has never fit me. As recently as 5 weeks ago, the zipper was still a good 3 or 4 inches from doing up. I decided to see how close I was on Monday, because I'm desperate to take it with me on the cruise we are going on in a few weeks. I thought it was a lost cause. To my absolute surprise, it did up! It is still a bit tight, but nothing I can't get away with, but I know it will be looser in a few weeks anyway. And if I do say so myself, I looked damn good!

So clearly, boot camp is doing it's job! I absolutely love it. It is damn hard work, I am sore every night after I finish, but it is worth it. I have discovered how to really push myself past the mental barrier that I seemingly set up for myself every time I do something difficult. I hurt, I'm tired, but I manage to keep going. I am bruised nearly every session (in fact I have a lovely bruise and massive lump on the front of my ankle at the moment from carting a keg around at Monday nights session!), I come home covered in grass, and some nights I come home sopping wet if it's been raining, but I love it! It really is the change I need and I can't thank the trainers from Urban Bootcamp enough.

I know when I go on this cruise I will be confronted with all sorts of temptations, but I'm determined not to succomb to them all the time like I did on the river cruise in Europe. I don't need a hot breakfast every morning. I don't need a big lunch (including dessert!) every day. I simply don't need nor do I want those things. I want to come back from that holiday without having set myself back several weeks. I want to know that all the hard work I'm doing now hasn't been for nothing. I want to be at goal by the end of the year and finished maintenance by the time I turn 30 in January next year, and doing all those things won't help me achieve that. My state of mind when I went to Europe was not good - I simply didn't care if I gained weight. Now I care, and I'll be damned if I set myself back that far again.

Yes Drill Sargeant!!!

Tonight I start Boot Camp. Yes, you read correctly. BOOT CAMP. I am a wreck with nerves but I know that this is truly what I need at the moment. The last 2 weeks have been a bit of a disaster for me. Not with food, just life in general. I got a letter from my doctor saying that another blood test result had come back and it was abnormal so I needed to have a catscan done of my kidneys (apparently this hormone is made in the adrenal glands which are on the kidneys - who knew?!). So I was rather panicked about that. It then took me weeks to get an appointment with the endocrinologist that my gyno had referred me to. So it had been a rather stressful few weeks as apparently one of the causes of this hormone level being high is a tumour on the adrenal gland. Thankfully there was nothing there, but that meant there was no explanation for the level of hormone that was present. What can I say, I like to keep people guessing!! Unlike the gyno though, the endocrinologist thinks I should go on medication, but we're going to keep going for a month or 2 and see if I can lose weight before we make that decision. But basically in that time I've just been losing and gaining the same half kilo which needless to say is driving me mental.

So I came to a conclusion. I have 7 weeks (slightly less now) until we go on our cruise meaning I have 7 week to get my body back to a state I am comfortable with. I needed something with a definite timeline. I needed something to commit to. So boot camp seemed like the logical (although slightly insane!) choice. 3 nights a week for an hour I will be put through my paces in a bid to get me feeling somewhat comfortable in a pair of togs. I might not be able to get to a size 10 by the end of this, but if I can just get down to where I was a year ago, I know I'll feel a whole lot better and that is about 7kg away. A tough ask, but I've got to give it my best shot. I got sick of the cruise being 12 weeks away, 10 weeks away, 8 weeks away.....and me not really doing anything about it. Sure, I was still exercising, still doing the spin classes etc. but I needed a shake up. And I'm not sure I can think of anything better to give me a complete mind and body shake up! I need someone to yell at me to do things (well, maybe not yell AT me per se, I don't take kindly to people being so in my face and I'm likely to yell back!!!) and I need people to do it with. I need to do something completely out of my comfort zone, for the sake of my body and mind. I need to do things that I never do, boxing, interval training etc. Things that are going to make my body say 'holy shit, what the hell is going on?!', followed by the (hopefully) inevitable weight loss and muscle gain.

So wish me luck, and if you don't hear from me again, just assume I collapsed in a heap!!!

Finally!!!

I don't know how long it's been since I've had decent losses, suffice to say that it's been a bloody long time!!! But I weighed in this week to show a loss of 2kg. That's over the last 2 weeks as I couldn't get to my meeting last week, but I don't care!

I think the reason for this is the big change I've made to my diet recently. After my diagnosis I went and saw a traditional Chinese medicine clinic. She recommended that I ditch yeast, dairy and nuts from my diet and that certainly seems to have helped. I'm not bloated like I used to be every second day, I feel better, I feel lighter. I have no problems ditching the yeast and the nuts (there's a sourdough bakery down the road from work that doesn't use yeast as proper sourdough shouldn't), but I'm realising that I actually ate a lot more dairy than I thought I did. I can't commit to drinking soy milk on my cereal as I've always thought it was vile, so I'm going with rice milk for that. I am drinking flavoured soy milk though, which is delicious. Soy yoghurt and ice cream however are a different story...surely the manufacturers of these products have worked out a way to get them to taste at least slightly similar to the real thing by now?! The yoghurt I can probably get used to, but I think ice cream will be out for me for some time!

I think another factor in all of this is that I have been so focussed on getting myself well that I'm not overly thinking about weight loss. I had a call from my doctor the other day telling me that she was concerned about a blood test result that had just come back and she wanted me to have a catscan done of my adrenal glands. She doesn't think it's anything serious (possible explanations for the blood test results are a cyst or tumour on the adrenal gland) but they just want to make sure - she thinks with the levels I have that it's just a case of my body making a bit too much of a particular hormone. But in all this I think I have just come to realise that there really is a bigger picture, and my health is more important than weight loss alone. The good thing is though that focussing on getting myself healthy will in turn make me lose weight, so it's really a win/win situation!

So all in all, I am now back over the 30kg lost mark! I was so happy to realise that, it's been a long time since I was there, and I can't wait to get back over 35kg like I was last year!

D Day looming large

So tomorrow is WI day. And I'm feeling ok about it. Whether I've lost weight or not, I'm not sure, but I know my waist measurement has gone down 3cm in just a week!!! Maybe killing myself at the gym last week was just taking a little while to let me enjoy the fruits of my labour!

I have been exercising really well, but a little less (and differently) than last week. I came up with a theory that I'll exercise like a mad woman 1 week, and go a little less crazy the following, just to give my body a bit of recuperation time. Don't get me wrong, I still killed the calories this week, but I didn't exercise for as long each session which will hopefully make a difference.

I had my appointment with the specialist yesterday and she all but confirmed PCOS. She really allayed my fears though, as she said that I certainly didn't require surgery and that it would not stand in the way of me becoming pregnant. She did say that it might take a little longer, but it also might not, I was just going to have to see what happens really. And if it did prove difficult, there was medication they could give me to make sure I ovulate each month....though it does increase the chances of multiple births which I must admit scared the shit out of me!!! I had a blood test this morning just to check the levels of glucose and testosterone and all the other things that will confirm the diagnosis, and I will see her again next week. If the tests do confirm that, I'll be on medication for the rest of my life basically. But a small price to pay if I don't have to have surgery and I can still get pregnant. The medication will also make it easier for me to lose weight too, and I'm ashamed to say that I'm not upset about that at all!

Taking it easy today as we went and saw AC/DC last night. Didn't get home until after midnight and we have to get up at 6am so not much sleep for us. Combine that with the fact that it was about 35 degrees last night and I must have only had 4 hours sleep. I know there are people who could get by on that for just a day, but I'm a strict at least 8 hours a night kinda gal! My husband said that he would be happy if he was half as fit as Angus is at his age - I said I'd like to be half as fit at my age now!!! The man is incredible. Covered in sweat, it was 40 degrees, under lights and he's running around the stage like a maniac. Some younger 'bands' could learn a thing or 2 from these guys.

So fingers crossed for tomorrow, I shall report back then!

Try, try, try again

Ok so not a great result at weigh in yesterday, but not completely disastrous. I stayed exactly the same. Considering the amount of work I'd put in last week, I wasn't exactly thrilled but when I spoke to my leader she suggested that I eat just a couple of exercise points each day (as did the lovely ladies on the WW message boards!), even if that means just a handful of almonds, an extra egg at brekky or something similar and see how I go next week. She thinks that I could be earning as many as 10 or 12 bonus points each time I go to the gym, which is an awful lot and my body doesn't quite know what's going on. I really enjoyed the exercise and the hard work last week, and I'm happy to keep going with that so I'm in no danger of chucking in the towel! I'd better have something to show for it next week though!!!

Hubby and I are going on a cruise with some friends in just over 3 months and I would really love to get 10kg off by then. I don't expect to be parading around in a bikini, but I would like to look nice in a swimsuit and I have a gorgeous dress in my wardrobe that would be perfect for the more formal occasions on the ship. I bought it a few months ago as it very nearly fit (and was on special and absolutely gorgeous!!!) and I had every intention of it fitting by now, however my lazy self got in the way of that! I know if I can lose just 6 or 7kg by then, it will fit but 10kg would be optimum. I would love to be able to post some pictures here of myself in it so that's what I'm aiming for! I also started taking my measurements again last night, so at least if the scales aren't cooperating, I can have that to look at and see that things are moving.

So it's back to the drawing board this week. I'm oddly enough still feeling really positive as I can at least see the change in the tone and shape of my legs from all the bloody cycling, so I know that things are going in the right direction. In times like these, I like to quote from the classic movie.......Finding Nemo! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming! Strangely, it seems to keep me going!!

This had better pay off!!!

I just came to the realisation that when I go to the gym after work, it will be the 7th time out of the last 8 days that I have been. And the only reason I missed 1 day was because I had a family dinner to go to, otherwise it would have been 8 straight! I don't think I have been this committed with my exercise since the very start of my WW journey. I have done 3 spin classes (with another to come tonight), 2 pump classes, a weights session, and a heap of cardio on the machines. Since I go straight after work and get to the gym about 5, and my classes don't start until 6 or 6:15, I get in a good 45 minutes of cardio beforehand as well, so by the time I leave, my heart rate monitor tells me I've burned in the vicinity of 1000 calories. Seriously, this hard work had better pay off when I weigh in on Wednesday!!!

I had a bit of a delusional moment on Saturday night. Hubby and I went to see Valentines Day (not because we celebrate it, we had cheap tickets!) and I decided that I'd like to end up with a body like Jessica Biel's.........what the hell was I thinking?!?! And the crazy thing is, that my lovely, equally deluded (but very supportive husband!) thinks that I could actually achieve it! So that's my goal now. Maybe not to end up looking exactly like her, but to try my hardest to get as close as I humanly possibly can. She's one of few actresses these days, who while she is very slim, is still very athletic and quite muscular, and no matter what I do, I will always have a muscular build so I may as well aim high huh??? Good thing I plan on spending the next 10 days straight at the gym I would say!

Bugger

Well after having a great first week back to WW where I lost 1.5kg, the following week wasn't so successful and I literally gained all of it back for no explicable reason. I tracked every day, I exercised, I have no idea what happened. But today I lost 0.7kg, that's at least something.

I think I have really had a change in attitude over the last 2 days. I've realised that for me, my WW journey was never really a psychological one. The reason I gained weight wasn't that I comfort ate, or anything like that. I simply like really good food and wine. So from now on the rest of my journey will be purely a physical one. No more whinging that I don't want to go to the gym. No more telling myself that I deserve a piece (or block!) of chocolate because I've been soooo good. No more giving up on the treadmill, or spin bike, or pump class, because it hurts, or because I'm tired. Every time I feel that, or think that, I'm going to yell at myself to just bloody well keep going! I'm going to tell myself that I'm still overweight, I still have a long way to go, and just to get on with it!!! I'm angry but in a good way if that makes sense. It's an anger I can use to my benefit every time I feel defeated in some way. The next series of WW at work runs for 20 weeks, and I have just over 17kg to go. I would love to think I could get rid of that before the end of this series, but even if I can't, as long as I did literally everything I could do, I'll be satisfied.

So back to the gym tonight (for the 3rd time this week - not bad considering it's Wednesday!) for another spin class. If it gets tough, I'll keep going. If my legs hurt, I'll keep going. I am sick and tired of being in limbo land with my weight, and I refuse to do it any longer! God, I sound like I'm about to break out into 'I am woman, hear me roar'!! But if that's what it takes, no matter how stupid I look, maybe I'll just do it!!!

I'm baaaaaaaack!!!!

Ok, so it's been way too long since I wrote on this blog. A lot of time has passed, and a lot of stuff has happened. So I guess I'll start at the beginning of all of it.

I got to within 9kg of being at goal, and then things went haywire. I plateaued BIG TIME. Nothing budged for months. After months of frustration, all of a sudden I wasn't being overly careful of what I ate. I was still exercising like a mad woman, even competing in a few fun runs, including the 9km Bridge Run. I wasn't bingeing, I wasn't being ridiculous with what I ate, but a couple of kilos managed to find their way back to me. I tried to reign them in, but again nothing budged. Then my hubby and I went to Europe for 6 weeks in December/January on a much waited for and anticipated trip. Europe was the coldest it's been in December for quite some time so needless to say salads weren't on the menu! I ate and ate and ate....French cheeses and pastries, German sausages and beer, British fish and chips, you name it we ate it. We did a river cruise for a week and they may as well have strapped a feed bag onto us, I even ate 3 desserts one day!!! We walked everywhere, sometimes 30,000 steps a day but it wasn't enough to keep a few more kilos at bay, and I was prepared for that.

So on my return to work, I started to get serious again. Back to the gym, back to eating well (which I was more than ready to do after eating stodgy food for 6 weeks!) and back to getting my attitude back in the right frame of mind. I had done all these things until a routine doctors visit nearly 2 weeks ago put me in a spin. I was sent for an ultrasound and discovered that I may have polycystic ovarian syndrome. The only good thing to come out of it is that I may have learned why it's been so hard for me to lose more weight over the last year, but it has really hit me for 6. But I haven't let it throw me off course. I am still at the gym, probably going harder at it than I have for quite some time. I'm still eating really well, and am actually following the WW menus which is something I've never done, and finding it really easy. I have to see a specialist in a couple of weeks to determine exactly what the problem is and how to fix it, but I certainly have an added incentive to stay on track now, knowing that I potentially could have this problem. Even if it isn't POCS, I still have cysts there meaning it may be harder for me to have kids, and knowing that weight is a factor in that gives me extra motivation.

So I'm back here, knowing that penning (or typing as the case may be) my thoughts is one of the best ways I keep myself on track and going in the right direction. I have just over 17kg to go to get to goal, and this time I'm bloody well determined to do it!

Quick update!

Ok, I know I've been a slack arse with keeping this thing up to date lately, but I've just been so busy both at work and home that I seriously haven't had the time!

So just a very quick update to report that I FINALLY had a decent loss! I lost 0.7kg this week which is the biggest loss I've had for months. I am now at the lightest I have been since my WW journey started (even if it is only by 200g!) and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again. I now have under 10kg to go to get to my goal...I can't believe it. Under 10kg!!!

So here's to....well, here's to me actually! For sticking with this even when things were sucking big time. I kept going and I feel like I'm starting to reap the rewards again.

Struggling...

Well it seems I haven't quite managed to see off this bloody plateau!! I gained 500g last week, for absolutely no reason at all. My body just can't quite seem to get back into the habit of losing weight, not either maintaining or putting it on.

I am really struggling emotionally with this at the moment. I have not, and will not give up, but it just seems that all I'm doing is going through the motions with no real results. I guess all I can do is keep going and hope in time it just simply happens for me again. I have no choice I suppose!!

This week I have been less than angelic - I think it was a bit of a rebellion against what's been happening. I haven't been too bad, but I did go to the races on Saturday and drank and ate pretty much anything I wanted! I did feel a bit guilty on Sunday, but I think it was a good thing as I woke up today determine to refocus and seriously get my shit together. Yes, I know I haven't been falling off the wagon often or anything like that, but I've decided that I'm not going to mope, I'm not going to find excuses not to go to the gym (even though I generally still go, I do whinge about it at times!), I'm going to get serious. I have just over 10kg to go and I want them bloody well gone!!!

Sorry for the rant, just feeling a bit out of control at the moment and that's one thing I really hate. I am a bit of a control freak, and the slightest sign that things aren't going how I want them tends to freak me out a bit. But no more!!! I'm getting my act together, and getting the job done!

Another week, another weigh in

Today is weigh in day. Scales at home this morning showed a decent loss so I'm just hoping that comes to fruition! I haven't done a lot of exercise this week, so maybe that was the shake up my body needed, who knows? The body certainly works in mysterious ways I have discovered over the last year.

My god, the last year! Tomorrow it will be exactly a year since I joined WW. I had hoped to be at goal by now, probably a little ambitious now that I think about it I guess! But I'm still extremely happy with losing 36kg in a year. I didn't think when I joined up that I would last a year, and I certainly didn't think I could ever lose that much weight, so anything else is a bonus really!

Went down the coast last weekend - the facial and massage I had were fantastic! Went out with hubby and a mate of his that still lives down there on the Saturday afternoon/night. I decided that I was going to eat whatever I wanted to have - that's the first time I've done that in a year and I must say it felt good to know that I could do that, and simply work harder or eat less points on other days to make up for it. I've always thought I was unable to do that, if I had 1 day when I did that, it would turn into 2 or 3 or 4....but it didn't and I'm really proud of myself for that. Knowing that I could have what I wanted, by the time I'd finished dinner, I didn't even feel like dessert so that's gotta be a positive! I had a fair few drinks, but I knew I could just make it fit. It really was a good lesson for me to learn - that I can trust myself and I won't go crazy like I thought I would.

Well, I shall pop back later, hopefully with good news!

###UPDATE###

I lost 200g at weigh in. Not at all unhappy with that considering I couldn't do the same amount of exercise as I usually would. I am now back down to the lightest weight I have been with WW so I'm stoked about that, and am also back down to only having 10kg to go! I refused to update my ticker when I was gaining weight cause I knew that I wouldn't have more than 10kg to lose for long!

Phew!

Well after a few weeks of small gains, I have finally had a loss. Only 400g, but as that's what I'd put on over the last few weeks, I'm reasonably happy with that. I am still 200g heavier than I was nearly 2 months ago, so my leader and I are fairly confident I have well and truly hit a plateau. Hopefully this loss is a sign that things will get moving again. Fingers well and truly crossed!!!

Had my friends 40th on the weekend - what an awesome day/night! Spent most of the day sailing on Sydney Harbour and then moored in Manly and stayed on board until about 1am and partied away! I'll put some pics up later of all the beautiful fairies!

Away down the coast this weekend to see the in laws. They bought me a voucher for a beauty salon down there so I'm booked in for 9:30 Saturday morning for a full body massage and facial. I can't wait! Was going to go swimming before hand but the pool doesn't open until 9am (bloody small towns!) so I think I'll get up early and go for a jog on the beach instead. I don't want to go swimming after a facial and massage, I don't think I'll be in the mood for much physical activity after being relaxed like that. That night we are probably going out to dinner for my father in law and sister in laws birthdays, but most restaurants in Ulladulla are really good and have a lot of choice, including using a lot of fresh seafood so that will be fine. Besides, given that I let go a little on the weekend and still had a loss, maybe my body is crying out for me to loosen up a bit anyway, who knows?! Either way, it'll be a nice relaxing weekend and for that, I can't wait!

Back to reality

Well, the festive season is well and truly over. Another christmas, new year and birthday have come and gone and it's now time for me to get seriously stuck in to getting rid of these last 10kgs.

My birthday was a bit of a disaster in terms of my diet. I ate fried ice cream, on the Saturday out with my friends I had chicken schnitzel and chips, I had 3 krispy kreme donuts, I had macca's (which I've never even liked!), I had a couple of cocktails and god knows how many beers....so for the last week I've been doing the Fast Start program and have given my exercise routine a real shake up.

I tried a class last week at my gym that's only just started - Body Step. It was definitely hard core and a serious cardio workout. The steps were pretty basic so for someone as unco as me, it was good! My heart rate was on average about 155, so I certainly got a good workout. I swam 2km on Sunday which is something I haven't been able to do for a while because of my shoulder problem, and yesterday I walked around the city all day taking in the Australia Day festivities earning 13 bonus points! Surely this combined with my stricter diet this week will result in something good tomorrow at weigh in? I missed last week's weigh in so I don't really know what the damage was from my birthday celebrations (although the scales at home weren't showing much of a change), so whatever happens tomorrow I'll just have to accept and move on. I think the more intense cardio I can do, the better, and doing something different just has to help, right?!

This Saturday will be a bit of test - I have one of my best friends 40th's to go to. It's a fairy themed party so I've just been out and bought my wings and accessories. Traditionally, when we get together it's a pretty messy affair, but I think as long as I take care with my food intake and exercise the rest of the week, I will have a bit to drink and won't feel guilty. I'm so looking forward to it - it's on a boat cruising out from Manly so should be great and I hardly ever get to see my friend anymore as she moved to QLD a couple of years ago - I miss her sooooo much! :( I'll be sure to post some interesting photos up!