Shift in mindset

Mindset. A word you hear an awful lot on the 12WBT. A word I never truly understood the meaning of until recently. And something I never realised I needed to take a look at for myself. Until recently. Something has shifted in the last week. I realised that perhaps I'm not as unemotional about food and my weight as I thought. I'm not an emotional eater, that's not what I mean. I don't get sad and instantly crack out the chocolate. But I've realised that I live to eat. I love good food. And pretty much all social occasions I'm involved with or organise myself, revolve around food. That has to change. I've also realised how truly depressed and unhappy about my weight and the way I look I actually am. And enough is enough. I don't deserve to feel this way about myself. No one does. I'm sick of the roller coaster I've been on for the last 4/5 years. This time this is it. I'm getting to goal weight and never looking back! I'm sick of losing weight, getting near goal weight, but then plateauing and putting some back on, only to start the process again. I am sick of being overweight. I am sick of trying to lose weight. All. The. God. Damn. Time. I want to be someone who simply has to maintain weight...you know, like a normal person does!

I took my before photo last night to upload to the website. Wow. Talk about confronting. I felt uncomfortable standing in front of my husband getting him to take a photo (stupid considering I have no problem with him seeing me naked but standing there was soooo different). I felt uncomfortable looking at the photo. I looked horrible. My face was fine. My collar bone area fine. But my stomach, hips and legs....oh my god. I knew it was bad but staring at myself in just about all my glory was a very mind altering moment. I don't want to look like this anymore and I'm damned if I'm not going to give this my all to make sure I don't.

So we are now in Round 4 of the 12WBT (my second round) and I've set my goal at 10kg for these 12 weeks. 10kg takes me to just below the lightest weight I got to with weight watchers a few years back. It takes me well below my pre pregnancy weight (a beacon to those of us who have children!) and it takes me to within 8kg of my goal weight. So far, so good. I've exercised as I'm meant to, I've eaten as I'm meant to. I love the food on the nutrition plans. It's very easy to stick to for me. The important thing is to get myself firmly stuck in a routine for the gym for which so far, I am winning the battle! I'm determined to lose weight, but more importantly, change the shape of my body completely and ain't nothing gonna get in my way this time!