Long time no see...

Well, it seems as though it has been 2 years, 2 months and 19 days since I last posted. Whoops. I contemplated starting an entirely new blog, but then realised that a lot of my weight loss history, the ups and downs, are all here and I wanted to keep everything together.

A lot has changed in those 2 years, 2 months and 19 days. Last post I mentioned I was pregnant. Well that pregnancy is now a nearly 20 month old beautiful boy! He is the absolute light of my life and I truly can't imagine life without him. I wonder all the time what I used to do to fill my days before he came along!!!

There were a lot of reasons I stopped blogging. Mainly, it was a weight loss blog and being pregnant I obviously wasn't going to be doing any of that! But another reason was a lot of the personal turmoil I went through during my pregnancy. When I was about 20 weeks, my husband and I separated. Thankfully we got back together not long after and remain so now, but the reasons behind it completely threw me and changed everything about the way I felt about myself. I felt I wasn't good enough, I felt I didn't deserve to be happy, to be fit and slim. Whilst I didn't gain that much during the pregnancy itself (maybe 10kg and a lot of that was fluid....I was still puffy 2 weeks after his birth!!), the year of maternity leave took its toll. I was home alone with a baby that didn't like to sleep much during the day (thank god he did of a night, small mercies!) and felt like I was worthless as anything other than a mother. In that year I gained a further 7kg. It's taken me a really long time to get to the point where I finally feel that I do bloody well deserve to be happy in my own skin and I deserve to look good! It's also taken me a really long time to leave the mummy guilt at the door and realise that I'm not just doing this for myself, this is for my son as well, he deserves a healthy mum so if it means spending a little bit less time with him of an evening, then that's a price I have to pay for now. Thankfully he is a ridiculously independent little boy and I'm sure barely notices that 'mimmy' isn't there for an hour in the evenings!!!

So that brings me to today. 11 weeks ago I signed up for Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation. I had high hopes and I started off with all guns blazing. Then I got sick. Then I went on a cruise. These things didn't see me gain weight, but I didn't lose any either and I kinda ended up behind where I wanted to be. There is still another week left in this round and so far I have lost 5.2kg in those 11 weeks. Not bad, but not where I wanted to be. So I've signed up for Round 4 and NOTHING will stand in my way! I am currently about 9kg above the lightest weight I reached with weight watchers a couple of years ago and I would LOVE to get rid of that in this round. My ultimate goal weight is 18kg away and this time it's going to happen, and it's going to be forever!

One of the committments I'm making to myself is to keep this blog up to date. In the past it held me accountable. Despite not even knowing if anyone read it, just putting it out there made me responsible. I'm determined to give this round my all, and finally be the person I want to be, inside and out.